Smile Please !
For a day or two I have been feeling quite low. I just don’t know why. Why I feel like this at times without any reason. Or may be I have a vague idea about the reason but not t sure if they actually the reason for my not being in usual mode. I came home about 5 o’clock from college after getting fitted recharched battery in my kinetic. Had an argument with ma, although it was nothing like girls of my age generally have. Nor do I think I will have that kind of rubbish ones at any time. For I haven’t demanded or done or got anything that ma could have objection upon. It was also not any big one, infact just a trivial thing to talk about. But sometimes it happens that during going through not-so-good feeling you just don’t wish anything but peace. May be it was threshold. But after a couple of minutes I always quickly come to my silent mode.one good thing about me is that i know when to shut-up. After that I just listen what she had to say.
Its not that I get to behave in this manner with ma only but then there is no one I have arguments with in my family. Fights in bro-sis are just different thing. Infact they are self-invited and both sides enjoy it. And don’t have papa here to have one with him. So it’s my sweet ma who has to tolerate me. Moreover only the people, who love you, take pain and dare to differ from you. They are the ones who know that any consequence of it won’t affect your relationship at all. They take pains because somewhere you are the reason for their existence and other way round too. Why a so-called friend or anybody will bother to agree to disagree with you when he can simply have smooth conversation and have safer side. Why will they waste their time to convince you their point of view? Only the people who really love you will be the ones who will take time to put their views across without any apprehension. For they know it is their duty to be caring and concerned.
So I just don’t speak any further whenever I have any tussle with her. Its just seeing same thing from different perspective. No one is wrong and both are right. Moreover when I just need a minute or two to convey what I feel like why should I stretch out and direct it to a paining incident for each one.
Well, it was nowhere near to any significant one, the way I wrote so many lines about. Its just what I wanted to vent out on a generic basis. So after facing that I quietly came back to my room and reclining on my bad I found some salty drops on my cheeks .I rarely cry. I am really a stupid creature. I cry for …I don’t know what for. May be just wanted to lighten myself .I don’t know when I fell asleep and woke up a couple of hours ago. But whenever I do feel like crying I just make sure that nobody gets aware of it. I just don’t like to cry before anybody. Last year I cried many times, every time when every b-school turned me down. But today I am more humorous, may be it’s the thing that made me survive through all. Or might be all this made me a humorous person. Whatever the way it is, for me humor is like oxygen otherwise its just next to impossible to keep my cool every time. I am known as one of the most humorous person in my friends’ circle. Every time smiling, giggling. Just a few days ago I don’t remember why I was tensed, seeing me, a couple of my friends said -dost tu aise acchi nahi lagti.The next moment I cracked some funny talk and everybody sitting beside us in lab just laughed out in unison some with their hands on stomach and some on their forehead and me on my mouth to not to make all this ha-ha hee-hee sounds reach to lab assistants.
This is the thing, when you are supposed to make people smile you, just cant afford to look otherwise. And even if you look tense they wont allow you to reminding the unwritten unpromised obligations. But somewhere down the line I feel like pour out my heart to someone who just don’t care what nonsense I do talk and how much sense I make out of this nonsense.
Blogging sometimes helps you there. I don’t have to pretend what I am not feeling like.Just keep typing whatever I wish.A few days ago I published a post. Only one person replied and asked ‘you wrote this’ , I replied ‘yes I typed it’. Though I wrote it but more or less it was influenced by some article I read in toi a few months ago, some 4-5 month ago but I could not relate to it. I didn’t subscribe to that and I deleted it .may be sometime when I will feel like posting it ,I will republish it.
I literally don’t pay any heed to what any of my post would sound like. For one I don’t have many readers fortunately secondly those who read it, I know that it doesn’t matter to them what I express, even if it does matter I don’t care because I am not into any impression maraoing on them by writing high funda intellectual thing that I don’t know anyway. So blogging jindabaad. And now I don’t feel like typing any further.
Gutennacht.
Winamp playing a very melodious song- tum itna jo muskara rahe ho !
Its not that I get to behave in this manner with ma only but then there is no one I have arguments with in my family. Fights in bro-sis are just different thing. Infact they are self-invited and both sides enjoy it. And don’t have papa here to have one with him. So it’s my sweet ma who has to tolerate me. Moreover only the people, who love you, take pain and dare to differ from you. They are the ones who know that any consequence of it won’t affect your relationship at all. They take pains because somewhere you are the reason for their existence and other way round too. Why a so-called friend or anybody will bother to agree to disagree with you when he can simply have smooth conversation and have safer side. Why will they waste their time to convince you their point of view? Only the people who really love you will be the ones who will take time to put their views across without any apprehension. For they know it is their duty to be caring and concerned.
So I just don’t speak any further whenever I have any tussle with her. Its just seeing same thing from different perspective. No one is wrong and both are right. Moreover when I just need a minute or two to convey what I feel like why should I stretch out and direct it to a paining incident for each one.
Well, it was nowhere near to any significant one, the way I wrote so many lines about. Its just what I wanted to vent out on a generic basis. So after facing that I quietly came back to my room and reclining on my bad I found some salty drops on my cheeks .I rarely cry. I am really a stupid creature. I cry for …I don’t know what for. May be just wanted to lighten myself .I don’t know when I fell asleep and woke up a couple of hours ago. But whenever I do feel like crying I just make sure that nobody gets aware of it. I just don’t like to cry before anybody. Last year I cried many times, every time when every b-school turned me down. But today I am more humorous, may be it’s the thing that made me survive through all. Or might be all this made me a humorous person. Whatever the way it is, for me humor is like oxygen otherwise its just next to impossible to keep my cool every time. I am known as one of the most humorous person in my friends’ circle. Every time smiling, giggling. Just a few days ago I don’t remember why I was tensed, seeing me, a couple of my friends said -dost tu aise acchi nahi lagti.The next moment I cracked some funny talk and everybody sitting beside us in lab just laughed out in unison some with their hands on stomach and some on their forehead and me on my mouth to not to make all this ha-ha hee-hee sounds reach to lab assistants.
This is the thing, when you are supposed to make people smile you, just cant afford to look otherwise. And even if you look tense they wont allow you to reminding the unwritten unpromised obligations. But somewhere down the line I feel like pour out my heart to someone who just don’t care what nonsense I do talk and how much sense I make out of this nonsense.
Blogging sometimes helps you there. I don’t have to pretend what I am not feeling like.Just keep typing whatever I wish.A few days ago I published a post. Only one person replied and asked ‘you wrote this’ , I replied ‘yes I typed it’. Though I wrote it but more or less it was influenced by some article I read in toi a few months ago, some 4-5 month ago but I could not relate to it. I didn’t subscribe to that and I deleted it .may be sometime when I will feel like posting it ,I will republish it.
I literally don’t pay any heed to what any of my post would sound like. For one I don’t have many readers fortunately secondly those who read it, I know that it doesn’t matter to them what I express, even if it does matter I don’t care because I am not into any impression maraoing on them by writing high funda intellectual thing that I don’t know anyway. So blogging jindabaad. And now I don’t feel like typing any further.
Gutennacht.
Winamp playing a very melodious song- tum itna jo muskara rahe ho !
posted by Anu Sharma at
12:15:00 AM
3 Comments:
It happens. I felt very depressed and lonely last evening. I really don't know why. I was shocked. Why on earth I should feel blue as hell without any reason whatsoever? Tried calling a friend but my efforts were in vain. She was not reachable. I didn't feel like calling anybody else. It took me two hours to get back to normal as usual.
By
Nag, at 1:39 PM, February 21, 2006
sometimes you know a person too well to comment on her behaviour.
with every sentence i was remembering just one thing. thats typical anu.. some people never change...and recognizing this fact gives us a sense of pleasure.seems like you are never out of touch.
By
Atul, at 3:17 PM, February 21, 2006
#nag-- gr8 u take only 2 hrs to get out of depression...leme know which depression hatao mechanism u use !n yeah dat day i was so frustrated dat i threatened telecom ppl to block all d calls, dats y u cud not reach her..call her now...u will have words wid her !!
#atul--oye i hav changed , my age has changed ,my books hav changed,my wadrobe has changed ,documents in my comp hav changed n many other things has changed how can u say i havent changed..n u knw u dont no dat well..y? becoz the meanings of vocab we 3 gals used to giv u were wrong...!
By
Anu Sharma, at 10:30 AM, February 22, 2006
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